What If
by Dylan Shelby
Summary: This is a look into one of the characters live is disrupted. **FINISHED** Please r&r. Thanx
1. Dear Diary

Title: What IF  
Author: Dylan Shelby  
Disclaimer: I Don't Own Them. - PLEASE REVIEW  
Author's Notes: This is just one chapter and will be continued.  
  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I feel so lonely. There is a line in a song that says "If I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone" and nothing could be more true. It's just hard right now.   
I realized that after High School nothing was going to be the same, but your never prepared for it. You never think that on the Sunday of your graduation your going to loose your best friend.   
It is so hard right now to be with out them. I remember the shock when my father told me what happened. They were on their way over here to pick me up, we were going out to celebrate,   
but the day didn't end that way. I spent it in the hospital looking over the other one. The funeral was scheduled for four days after that Sunday. It still hurts so much and it has been a long time.   
After the accident we split. We couldn't be friends anymore. Not with what happened. It wasn't the same and it was too akward and awful for us to stay friends.   
We both understood, but it didn't make anything easier. Its been years, and I wouldn't have brought it up, but I saw him the other day.   
I was bording a plane for Milan and he was going to Dallas. There was still that akwardness, it was still so strong that I felt I could touch it.   
We said our hellos and goodbyes with no more than three sentences. As I sit here on this bed all alone and lonely I can't help wonder if it had never happened,   
what would my life be like now?  
  
Author's Notes: I know kinda dark for such a beautiful weekend.   
So if you want something that is light and airy and is nothing like life   
than you can read Going Home selfish plug for story :)  



	2. Stories Later

***Check the bottom.   
  
  
Dear Diary,   
  
It is incredible what has happened. I know I haven't written you in three   
weeks, but everything has changed. I got a therapist and he has been helping   
me to see that what happened so long ago was not my fault. I think what   
is really happening is that I'm to the point that I want to let go of it. Also   
I got my invitation to my High School Reunion a week ago. My therapist says   
I should go, but I'm not sure. I did run into Gordo last week, that was a   
shock. We were both on the same flight to San Francisco. He was directing   
some movie and we ended up seated right next to one another. It was weird to   
talk to him after all these years. He's married now, has a son. I'm happy   
that his life is moving along. That encounter however is what pushed me to   
move past what happened almost ten years ago. Although talking to him   
made me miss so much of the past and what I've waisted.   
  
I don't know...I am scheduled to go back to Boston by next week. It's a good   
thing I love investing money or this work load would kill me. Well its almost   
midnight and I am sick of being lonely so I will go to sleep and visit friends   
from the past... goodnight.   
  
Signed, Me.   
  
*****   
Author's Notes: Okay second Chapter we are getting closer to seeing who   
it is and what exactly happened... Any guesses? Let me know.


	3. Talking

Chapter 3  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
"In the End it doesn't even matter." I heard that song today. First timn many years. I was never a freak, but I did like this song from Linkin  
Park. It really doesn't matter. I don't know... maybe... I don't knohat I am talking about. Its almost too much. Today was the anniversy oer death. I went to her grave today. Flew all the way out there, wasn't   
really expecting anything, but he showed up. For the first time in teears he showed up. We hadn't really talked since the plane ride, but walked today. It is just so overwhelming. I never thought I would obssever something like this. I was completely independent, but her death ihook me. It really hurt down deep. I think because for the first time  
I realized that something bad could happen to me. Up until that momenothing in my life had gone bad. Sure I had bad days, but nothing like that.  
I think I grew up that day. Much faster than I wanted to. You know he   
is coming here next week. We're going to talk some more. It is so nico talk to him. We use to be so close, so very close, that I forgot what was like to have him as a friend. Well I better end this. I have   
some thinking to do.  
  
Signed, Me  
  
***Author's Notes  
  
This Story will only have five chapters. We are closer to figuring ouho it is. 


	4. Engagement

Dear Diary,  
  
I'm getting married. I can not believe it. Me, myself am getting married.   
It is almost too much to comprehend. He came over and we talked. We really   
honestly talked. I couldn't believe the things we said to one another.   
I told my mother, she said she was happy for me. I think she honestly meant   
it. It has been so long since I spoke to her, my life just doesn't feel   
like my own. It feels better. My shrink has been wonderful for me and I   
have cut down the times I see 'em to once a week. I just needed to talk over   
everything with someone and now that I have him to talk to, I know I will   
get over all of this. Maybe 'over it' is not what I mean. I am getting   
through this and I will move past it. It has been ten years since she died   
in the accident. We are leaving tomorrow, the both of us for her gravesite,   
where we both finally put her to rest.  
  
Until later,  
Me.  
  
Have it figured out yet? 


	5. Moving On

Dear Diary,  
  
I did it. I said good-bye to her. I said good-bye to Claire. Me, of all   
people said good-bye. It is true we weren't 'friends', but we were what we   
were. Ethan and I sat at her grave for an hour remembering what happened that   
day. Perhaps it is a good idea I put in writing what happened.  
  
Claire and Ethan had been dating and I had been trying to steal Gordo away from   
Lizzie. Miranda had ticked me off. When she and Gordo broke up she had given   
me a flippant remark that it was because of me. I knew it wasn't, her and Gordo   
were just very good friends, not the sort that saw each other romantically.   
Okay well I did listen in on her and Lizzie's conversation when they were   
talking about it, but it made me wonder. Me and Gordo use to be such good   
friends and I just wondered if he had ever thought about me that way. Well   
I had been ignoring Ethan for some time and I guess he and Claire got together.   
  
We had a fight. Claire and I, that day she died. It was over Ethan. I wanted   
him back. I had talked to Gordo and he told me what he felt and perhaps I felt   
that way about someone else not but not him. He was right. I think I actually   
might have grown up that day. Well Claire and I had a fight because I wanted   
Ethan back and I knew she wanted to get rid of him, but when I told her I wanted   
him, she of course wanted him. She had to take Ethan home and since we were still   
fighting and I don't know what happened, perhaps we hit something while we were   
fighting, but whatever it was, the car flipped three times. It was a convertable   
something from her father. Ethan and I were in the hospitable for almost six months.   
We didn't get to graduate with our class, but we did graduate. Claire never   
got that chance.  
  
I still blame me, but I am moving past it, and perhaps getting on with my life.  
Wherever she is I hope she is happy. I told her good-bye today and I am saying   
good-bye to this diary. My past is here and maybe one day I shall visit it again   
but not right now.   
  
Good-bye,  
Kate Sanders.  
  
PS: So were any of you shocked? I really had wanted to do a Kate fic, but   
since she really isn't one of my favorite characters I wanted it to be sad.   
I also do not like Claire, but hey that is life. Hope you enjoyed a little. 


End file.
